Once upon a time, in the dark dark past …
– no it wasn’t dark as in scary or bad – I had a fabulous time. I learned and enjoyed and created and learned and enjoyed. I mean dark as in dim in the memory and maybe even “Dark Ages”
… I was a member of a speaking club called Toastmistress.
International, liberating, polishing, encouraging, teaching … and much much more, was Toastmistress.
As members of the organisation, we were discouraged, severely, from using “ums” – or any other filler – for that matter. There was often a “Grunts Mistress” (don’t you dare snicker!!) whose sole job was to count the ums (or grunts) and we were fined for them. It was a fabulous exercise in that it taught me to speak fluently – without fillers. It was a terrible exercise in that it made me hyper-aware of every um any speaker ever uses.
So now that um has become a trendy part of so much of our speaking, both on-stage and off-, it is making me really think about its place in speaking. I still think we need to learn to speak fluently without fillers, and that the skill is a powerful contribution to our success as speakers. I also think that it can be a hindrance if the content of a speech is in any way not engaging and if it is repeated way too much.
(And if another sports person begins their answer to an interview question with “Look …”, I will …. do something serious.)
I also still think we need to be aware of just how we are using our ums.
Yes, many of us use them when we are thinking. It signals that we are thinking.
Many of us use them to begin a new point or section of the speech. It signals a change or something new, a new thought.
And now I have just become aware of another use.
It happened to be Brene Brown who made me aware of it. I love her speaking – the content, as well as the authentic delivery style she has. Part of the self-effacement of that style is the use of um following something humorous. So I get the impression that what the um is signalling is “I have just said something that you might think is funny. I’ll wait in case you want to laugh.”
And since noticing this phenomenon in that TED talk, I have seen it several times since – used by comedians as well.
My internal response is to think that yes, it would be so much better if you had just paused.
Pauses are powerful.
… or just used a face/body gesture
…. or a foregrounding tool of some sort.
But the um did the job, in a haphazard kind of way.
Just as we need to be constantly using bits of our brains to watch ourselves as we speak, so we need to be aware of how we are using ums. Run your internal camera or use a piece of video machinery. If you are happy to choose an um to signal that you are thinking, or that you are introducing a new topic, or that you are allowing time for humour to sink in, then make that choice.
But make sure it suits your style, and the image you want to present, and doesn’t detract from your engagement and message.
And make sure you have considered the alternatives that just might be so much more suitable and powerful. I don’t think it’s just my “Dark Ages” training that makes me vote for the latter if it can be achieved at all.
What do you think?
Does the trend to “authenticity”, “rawsomeness” and conversational speaking justify the proliferation of ums?
And I’m sure I’m a latecomer to noticing the use for humour. When did you first notice it?
………………………….
© Bronwyn Ritchie
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“Speaker/presenter mentor, Bronwyn Ritchie, supports speakers as they build confident, effective success. Get her FREE 30 speaking tips at www.pivotalpublicspeaking.com
Learn how to turn your anxiety into a great public speech with this free video lesson from a professional public speaker.
“Presenters using visuals conduct meetings in 28% less time, increase audience retention as much as five times, and get proposals approved twice as often”
~ Claire Raines and Linda Williamson
How you stand and walk has to be congruent with your message
and your image.
If you are a passionate speaker who simply cannot stand still, then hopefully you will use that to support the passion of your message. Try to use standing still to give the same sort of impact that a pause in the middle of rapid speech would give.
If you choose to move or change position just to provide relief because you think your speech is boring; be careful. It may be that your movement will have more impact than your message.
Timing can help so that you change position
with a new idea or
with a new visual support,
or with a change in your story or its dialogue.
Where you are
and how you move between spaces
are as much a part of your presentation as your message and your body language.
Orchestrate them as you will the whole presentation to form one complete impact.
And no, that does not mean being anything other than your authentic self. It means being your authentic self at its speaking best.
Sometimes it’s necessary to dig down to the roots of our fear of public speaking. And there can be a lot of those, but if you dig them out, one by one, confidence grows.
Does fear of public speaking run in your family?
I’m not sure if there is a genetic cause for this but I do know that if you have seen your parents or a family member speaking or performing confidently in public, then you will most likely see it as something you can do too. But if you see fear and aversion to public speaking then you will probably adopt that as part of your culture as well.
So it may be time to kick it out of your culture again, disown it. You could have a “coming out” party where you announce to your family that, in fact, you are a confident pubic speaker, and even though that is so different to everything they believe in, you just have to go ahead with it. Can’t do that in real life? Then do it in your head. It’s just as effective.
Otherwise … rebel! Imagine yourself dressed in something absolutely outlandish – entirely different from your family’s normal, raising your fist in the air and speaking with confidence – the “rock star” speaker you always dreamed you could be.
You will know what works for you when it comes to being independent, just do whatever it takes to dig out that attitude that you have inherited, and grow a new one. Be the successful speaker you know you can be.
Many speakers fear and avoid a Q & A.
Why … because they fear a disaster spiraling out of control.
“What if someone asks a question and I don’t know the answer?”
Experienced speakers know, however, that rather than being a disaster, a Q&A is a wonderful opportunity and they prepare to leverage that opportunity.
“But how can you prepare for every question? No-one can know the answer to everything!”
Let’s look, instead, at preparing for the opportunity buried within this seemingly impossible disaster.
First step … If you don’t know the answer, admit it. That is not a disaster, in itself, or in the making.
Admitting to not knowing the answer is a chance to build authenticity.
Audiences are reasonable. They understand that in the avalanche of information available, no one person can know it all.
There is nothing authentic or credible about someone trying to side-step a question with blustering. Much better to tell the truth.
But before you lose your credibility as an expert, have a plan for response to these questions.
1. If it’s possible, know the experts in the room. Throw the question to one of them, and you are providing a resource just as much as if you had given an answer. You have provided an answer. You have created or reinforced a connection with the other expert. And you have positioned yourself within a community of experts.
2. You can also refer the question back to the audience in general. You are building engagement here with your interaction. If it is possible to allow discussion, you can build a sense of community within the audience. If it’s appropriate you can ask for opinions, stories and examples as well as facts.
3. Finally, saying “No comment” just doesn’t work. You appear either to be completely ignorant and helpless on the subject, or worse still, trying to hide something. If there is no way to answer in the moment, commit to getting the answer to the questioner as soon as possible – to either giving them good sources/resources at the end of your presentation or to communicating an answer in coming days. If you cannot answer because it is not appropriate or you are not at liberty to answer, explain why. Again, audiences are generally reasonable and understanding.
This is also providing an opportunity to reinforce your respect for your audience and its members. Answering with integrity and an honest effort to help, you are showing respect for the person asking the question and for the question itself, no matter how awful the question or the motives of the questioner.
That respect is all part of the process of building and maintaining your credibility and your authenticity. And Q&A has given you the opportunity to contribute more to that process. Rather than being a disaster waiting to happen, Q&A becomes a valuable opportunity.
Tim Minchin, the former UWA arts student described as “sublimely talented, witty, smart and unabashedly offensive” in a musical career that has taken the world by storm, is awarded an honorary doctorate by The University of Western Australia.
He speaks our language!!
I just loved this presentation, this speech – not just his style, but his content, based around our culture and our language – so wise and so hilarious.
Persuasion/inspiration/information/entertainment at its best!
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“In public speaking, we must appeal either to the prejudices of others, or to the love of truth and justice. If we think merely of displaying our own ability, we shall ruin every cause we undertake.”
William Hazlitt